Do you want to know the truth?
Yes, I love myself, I love who I have learned about who I am, I’m beautiful, independent, a charmer, sexy (yes, I was told I am!!) and I can get anything I want, I so know it!! But I also completely don’t know what I want… I have all I need to live a great life, I’m happy and “fulfilled” in my Facebook pictures and living the dream, as some of you would say… but I tell you what, don’t judge anyone by a Facebook picture or the “book by the cover”, we all have different things and lessons we ALL must go through, there’s no such thing as have less or more or “better or worse” problems than, there are lessons we have to go through to push us to the next level we need to go. Growth is beautiful and painful…
Yes, I must admit to myself…I have been going through shit for the past month or so, because my calling is getting so unbearable that it’s making me more confused than ever, it’s physically and mentally painful and draining… It’s not because I have no house to live, because I don’t have food on my table, money in my bank account, shoes and clothes to wear, clear water to drink, I have way more than that in my life, I have love, gratitude, compassion, friends, family and people who really care about me, I have all, so I should be happy right? Yes, I also agree, I extremely, terribly agree with you, I also must agree that you may have all of this, but for some “unknow” reason is not happy either, have you ever felt this way? Do you wake up every morning dancing around the room because it’s a start of an amazing and incredible day? Yes, I get it too, that’s why I’m sharing this moment with you, because I’m feeling that pain too, except that I know where my pain is coming from…does that make me better than you? absolutely not!! Makes me human, makes me someone like you!! I, without even thinking much about this that I’m not happy because there is a big piece of my puzzle that I haven’t be able to find, which is living in full power my life purpose.
Honestly, I don’t know how to put this shit together to make it happen (I have no idea how to manage a business…) and trust me it’s way easier to figure yours out than my own, because I have way too much in my mind… be in the outside of a situation is much easier to access it, since you are not involved with it. I have paid thousand of dollars to many coaches, therapists, healers and you name it! and I have got where I would like to get? Their fault? Of course not! I am the one who needs to stand up as my own army and fight this, I just didn’t know which weapon I was in need…
Among frustration, anger, sadness and crying to someone this morning (thank you, thank you thank you for being there for me…), I have realized that I need some time off, I must to shut all the distractions off, just a couple of days, maybe a week, whatever a can get, to connect within and figured what the next step in. No, I’m not going anywhere at this moment…I just needed to share my frustration and release it…
I’m so FU****G grateful for all the lessons, tears and support I have. I’m figure this out one way or the other…
How a lost over 50 pounds
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