One of the things I have asked myself many times on this spiritual road was, how will I know that I have owned my power, what it means to claim and own your power?
Personal power was and still is one of those huge things in my life and I’m sure in everyone’s life, because poor boundaries, lack of self-love are indications that you haven’t owned the magic wand trophy.
I few examples how I used to give my power away:
Today, on this very wonderful day, that I have started my day with the affirmation “I’m worthy of money, love, health and happiness”, I had my question answered…
As I was speaking to someone who always made sexual jokes toward me (the price you pay when you don’t have health boundaries and an excessive second chakra), I was “hit” once more with one of the not so funny comments. Differently from other times, where I would get myself going in the road of “deep thinking” about what I “should or should not’s” say, because I didn’t want to lose the “friendship”, I used to get so mad at myself because I didn’t say this or that. This time, I told him right away to stop it, that it made me uncomfortable, that I didn’t like it and I deserved to be respected!
Man, it felt incredible amazing, not because I was saying that to him, it was not from the ego, but from the feeling that I love myself so much, so much that, not doing it, would be a huge betrayal! My soul was screaming love and I was finally able to have a sample of it…
The feeling of knowing your worthy and that you are deserving of something was a piece of the puzzle of owning my personal power…It’s even hard to explain, because there’s no guilty, shame or regret attach to it, there is only you, putting yourself first and this feeling… girl, you got to claim to be able to be on top!
Nice to meet you, personal power, how come I never seen you before? Come on in, the master suite is waiting for you! you are the boss!
Much love to you all!!
Today, I must admit that I’m a mess!!
After a great weekend with so much love, learning, releases, a-ha moment and triggering with a tribe a truly accept as my soul family… I’m completely covered in emotions of my shadow self. Spiritual work gives the tools and the direction for the next steps taken and, I’ truly grateful for the awareness, which is definitely a key in the process.
It’s a mix of anger, sadness and worthless sitting somewhere in my body, waiting to be released, worked on, processed and honored.
It could be a horrible thing, but I choose to look at it as a good thing. It’s time to deal with these emotions, to process, since, apparently it come up to the surface so strongly, that I just want to curl in a ball and cry loud, hoping it goes away. Well, it doesn’t, it won’t… it had been hidden for so long, I can’t no longer ignore…
Too long…the closet has opened
It’s time to let it go…
So, I new me can emerge for the next chapter of this journey called life…
Grateful for this journey…
Grateful for this life…
Yesterday, one of my dearest, loving cousins, lost her mother. She is a hero to me, as she took care of her disabled mother for many years.
This made me think about how I often avoid talking about my own dad’s situation. I hadn’t even realized I have so many unprocessed feelings in me about it.
My dad has had at least two strokes in the past ten years. As a result, he no longer has a sense of direction. This most recent time I was back home in Brazil, I witnessed his struggle, trying to go from the bedroom to the bathroom - two doors, and 3 steps apart. I wanted to cry, scream, and even blamed myself for letting his situation get to this.
I have wondered sometimes if it is worth it, to live the way he’s living right now. He depends on someone to do probably 80% of his daily life activities.
I have had to make peace with myself, and understand that on some level (soul?), this was the path that he chose for himself.
One of the many lessons I have gotten from this situation is that I can love him even from afar. I pray for him, I send healing light, and I hold space for him when I think he is in need. I also respect his decisions even though I feel that he has been deciding to leave us little by little - unconsciously of course.
REMEMBER THE GOOD
I was my dad’s little girl, and I remember growing up having a great relationship with him.
Often, when I was a kid, he would take me on his bicycle when he was going to visit a client to fix their tv. This was one of his passions, fixing electronics - he would spend hours, lost in that world of codes to decipher, while I played by his side.
At other times he would give me my baths, let me stay in his bed with him when I was sick, take me to doctors’ appointments, the zoo, the circus – and sometimes, he would wait outside (maybe he didn’t have enough money to pay for both of us? Not sure…), and sometimes he would give me a spoonful of the food on his plate. For some reason the food he had on his plate tasted much better than mine, though it was the same food that it was on my plate!
Once, as a teenager, he took me to one my favorites singer’s concert because I had no one to go with, and when I was heartbroken at 19, he told me that “I would have many boyfriends in life before I found the one.” After I married, I would still sit on his lap, kiss and hug him, watch the news and listen to his jokes.
Having left Brazil many years ago now, to live in the United States, I haven’t had as much contact with him as I now wish I had, and some of my memories growing up have been lost to time. His caretaker is not someone I approve of, and I don’t get to have much say in his care at this point. I’m not sure what level of happiness he’s had in his life - I don’t get to know, and it’s not my right to judge the way I know he lived, and is now living.
The truth is, we all have our own paths to go through, and lessons to learn… that’s the tricky part about seeing someone we love going a way we define as “wrong” or “painful”. We want them (and us) to avoid this or that, but the Universe has a plan which is perfect, and a part of us… whether we like it or not.
FREEDOM TO LOVE
The great thing is that we live on an energy made planet, so we can love someone from anywhere we are.
I love you dad!
With all my heart…
I have been doing a lot work on myself, practically non-stop for the past 3 years, and today a situation happened to me that made me think how easy it is to be unaware.
The Universe is perfect and will find a way to make you work on whatever you need to.
As I was driving to the grocery store after work, a guy cut in front of me. I beeped at him, and he then gave me the finger and slowed down in front of me as much he could. I got so mad at this person… I felt homicidal!!
Then later, after finishing my grocery shopping, a guy in the line, very nicely, moved over and let me go first. I thanked him, and I felt grateful that there are still nice people around!!
Anyway, after going back to my car, I realized how much anger and frustration I was holding from the early situation. I started to cry, A LOT! I cried for 15 minutes, and felt really sad that as humans we have the free will to choose to act the way we want to, but unfortunately sometimes we act from the EGO, instead of LOVE.
Then, I felt a release and realized that I needed this experience somehow. I needed to release something that I was holding that I hasn’t noticed. What was it? I have no clue, but the situation triggered the sadness feelings under my anger.
This experience reminded me that I’m a HUMAN BEING.
…that I can embrace my sadness, anger, selfishness, and whatever shadow sides I have.
Spiritual work is also the recognition of all these things because we came to earth to deal with all of our emotions.
Thank you damn*** for allowing me to have this lesson, and thank you Universe for the experience!